Office Politics

Greensboro, NC -- It's been awhile since we've heard from the halls of Reynolda. Many of you are familiar with the working situation down here in Winston-Salem, NC. Our company has hired roughly fifty new people since the beginning of the calendar year. Yet, there continues to be some old, stale blood circulating in the veins. If you look at the geography of our office building, my cube would be Tibet. Surrounding my walls are four mid-life princesses who refuse to acknowledge my mere presence. Once you reach outside of the People's Republic of China, you might as well be in Candyland, as everyone exploits their southern charm to me.

A short story of each of the four: #1 is a chain smoker who receives a daily lecture on our computer software from an I.T. programmer who scarfs down potato chips at 10:00 a.m. Over the crunching, the conversation might as well be between a father denying his teenage daughter the keys to his car. She also wears those vanity t-shirts to work; yes, the ones that say, "I'd rather be fishing." It looks like she shops at the local Goodwill. Told to dress up as customers were to be roaming the hall, she threw on this Cabbage Patch dolls-esque dress. #2 will only smile and talk to "her group" while selling her make-up products. She also thinks she's hotter than she actually is. #3 believes that everyone in the office is against her. Her mindset is: "there is always a problem," and her attitude reflects that. In February, I said "hello, how ya doin'?" while passing her in the hall. She looked at me like I had horns coming out of my head and that my face was green. #4 keeps to herself, although she disregards my presense at all times and looks the other way in passing. Quitting time for the four of them is 3:55, 4:27, 4:30, 4:30 p.m. respectively. You would think that they were paid hourly.

As one of our recent "Theme Fridays," members of the Activities Committee were scheduled to bring in a generous serving of a selected fruit for "Fruit Friday." While over two dozens fruits were brought in, enough to feed twice the amount of employees, I completely forgot to bring in the peaches. #2 had the audacity to call me out to our activities director. She even used my first name! For the record, "Thirsty Thursdays" was going on at the baseball game that night.

I'm in the process of trying to discover why these four ladies hate my guts. Some of my theories include:

1. I forgot to say "hi" to one of them on my first day and that one told the others.
2. I had my own office for the first month that I was in Winston. Being older, they might have resented that.
3. I am technically at a higher level than they are, even though we work in completely separate fields. Research would be required on their part to find this out.
4. I was caught picking my nose and didn't know it.
5. I am a man.
6. I chose my cube when I was forced to move and invaded their space (I was thinking that I would become friends with everyone).
7. I am close to all of the directors and chief officers, and they are not.
8. My cube is twice the size of each of theirs.
9. I can talk to more than three people in the office.
10. I'm not stressed out with personal/at-home business.

Not to bombard you with the "I's," but I cannot figure out why these four people refuse to look/speak/interact with me. I have made the effort of initiating small-talk. The final straw came last week. After being ignored, I snapped and wrote Katie an e-mail about how, this point forward, I will refuse to look/speak/interact with them. As soon as I clicked the "Send" button in gmail, #2 came over to my cube and said, "Hey Brian, how ya' doin? Did you get as much rain as we did last night?" Instant Karma. Only 134 business days. A kind "hello" was uttered from my lips that afternoon, and we're back to starting a new streak.