How Tennesseans Order Mulch

Winston-Salem, NC -- Ol' pal and golf-cheating pro, "Tommy B." informed me of how he "helped" his son, er... the neighborhood, order mulch for a proposed single house project. Prior to tackling more important things in life such as restoring used U-Haul trucks and collecting anything that has been made under the sun, Tommy B. was a teacher in the Knoxville, TN school system. Here goes his account, no pun intended, of the infamous mulch story.

"So, [my son] Patrick called me the other morning to help him figure out how much mulch to order for this guy up the street. Patrick got the contract to mulch his gardens and didn't remember from high school how to calculate square feet. I took the opportunity to impress him that we would be dealing in cubic feet, not ordinary ol' square feet.

Patrick had drawn out 4 rectangles and he gave me the length and width of each. He wanted to spread his mulch 3" deep. I multiplied length times width for each rectangle and ended up with a square foot number for each rectangular patch of garden. I then added the four numbers together and ended up with a total of about 520 sq. feet. 3" deep is 1/4 of a foot, so I multiplied 520 sq. ft. times .25 and came up with 130. Then, I double-checked my figures and finally recalculated a third time so there would be no problems. I told Patrick to call and order 130 cubic feet from the nursery (they were going to deliver). Then, I remembered these dump truck guys work in cubic yards, not cubic feet -- so many "yards of dirt." I didn't want the nursery to think they were dealing with a couple of weenies, so I divided 130 by 9, since there are 9 cubic feet in one cubic yard and I ended up with 14-1/2 cubic yards, which Patrick then ordered.

The mulch was delivered this morning and when Patrick got off work at 2pm, he and his friend, Kemp, went up the street to spread the mulch while I babysat with Baby Kaylee. Patrick and Kemp showed up at dusk and Pat told me to drive up the street as I was leaving and look at the nice job they did and that somehow they still had a lot of mulch left over, even after spreading it a little thicker than 3". I assured him the doofus running the loader had put too much mulch in the delivery truck, but maybe he could find somebody else to sell the extra to. I said my good-byes and drove by the house and saw a pile of mulch sitting in this guy's driveway as big as my van. It was huge! Totally bumfuzzled by the outcome of events, I went home and got thoughty as to what might have happened to leave us with so much extra mulch. Patrick obviously had not given me the correct numbers to begin with or else the nursery needed to hire a new phone guy. Halfway through my beer, I came to the realization there are 27 cubic feet in 1 cubic yard, not 9. Dividing by 27, instead of by 9, we should have ordered 5 cubic yards, not 14-1/2. I ordered three times as much as we needed! That dumptruck must have been the size of a house. Now I'm on the hook to shovel all this extra mulch into several loads for my small pickup truck and pay this guy back for 2/3 of the mulch bill! I've got enough mulch left over to cover the neighborhood! Patrick told his customer that he (Patrick), would park his car in front of the mulch pile tomorrow so nobody would steal it, because the customer doesn't want Patrick to work on Sunday. So, I've got to give up my car tomorrow, and shovel all the mulch by myself on Monday because Patrick will be working then. I hope this guy has a sense of humor. - Yikes!

My Bruce Springsteen Review

Winston-Salem, NC -- Last night, I had the good fortune to attend the Bruce Springsteen Magic Tour concert at the Greensboro Coliseum. It was easily the best show that I ever attended for not knowing half of the songs. The melodies and rhythm are very rich, in that, you can parse all nine instruments by the naked ear. Bruce Springsteen, for his age, is extremely mobile (Bono-esque mobility). Little Steven and Nils Lofgren are amazing guitar players. During "Trapped," Bruce and Little Steven were exchanging the lead of the solo guitar section. Max Weinberg has his own unique style of playing drums. His elbows are never raised above his heart. He makes playing the drums look so easy. Here's the set list from the nearly 3 hour show:

Roulette*

Don't Look Back*

Radio Nowhere

Out In The Street

The Promised Land

Magic

Gypsy Biker

It's Hard To Be A Saint In The City

Trapped

Because The Night

Darkness On The Edge Of Town

She's The One

Livin' In The Future

Mary's Place*

Waitin' On A Sunny Day

Devil's Arcade

The Rising

Last To Die

Long Walk Home

Badlands

---

Backstreets

Bobby Jean

Born To Run

Ramrod

American Land

* = Tour Premiere

I really had no idea how a significant portion of Bruce's lyrics are about America, heartland, and the seasons. But, I guess, if you stop to think about it, look at the classics -- Born in the USA, Glory Days, The River, Hungry Heart, Secret Garden, etc.

I've always had the theory that a show is a hundred times better when you're standing on the general floor, rather than having a seat. You're not liable to sit down during some songs (so the grouch behind you can see) and standing up during the fast-paced ones. You can "dance" to the music -- another way for you to enjoy the music. But you're suspect to that "know-it-all" fan, who stood behind me singing obnoxiously loud to every song. Although, while he would yell out the song title at the start of the first chord of the guitar, he reminded everyone around him that it was a new set list from last night's show in Charlotte. I definitely enjoyed the music and show, despite standing on concrete for 4 hours and listening to the president of the Springsteen fan club attempt to sing every lyric in my right ear. Ah... glory days!

"Pulling an A.C. Slater"

Winston-Salem, NC – This blog will deviate from its traditional content in order to address one of the greatest discoveries in the history of western civilization. This innovation was brought to my attention by my brother, Kevin, as it was passed down to him from his good buddy and ol' college pal, Dave Schmidt. One of the most common and natural items on our daily, sometimes weekly, agenda is to “use the can.” It’s a simple 3-step process that usually steals a couple of minutes from our day. But, why not enjoy the moment by pulling an “A.C. Slater?” Yes! – the A.C. Slater, played by Mario Lopez in the early 90’s hit show, Saved By The Bell. If you remember correctly, A.C. always sat in his chair backwards – it was the cool thing to do. With everything related to fashion in a full throwback mode, why not “pull an A.C. Slater” and sit backwards on the can? By performing this move, you’ve set yourself up with a “lounge” table to prop up your magazines and books or hold a cold drink, all while conducting your business. Why not knock out a few pages in your novel? Economically speaking, this time alone could be referred to as “sunk time,” a la the economic term, “sunk cost;” a cost already incurred and paid for – there is no getting it back. By “pulling an A.C. Slater,” you could save more time (reading, consuming food and/or drink) and hence more money by simply turning your body around on the pot.

It has been reported that the founder of this innovation has taken it to an extreme. Due to side walls and spacing conditions, Dave has purportedly hired a contractor to cut some portions of his bathroom wall in order to accommodate his discovery. I, myself, was curious if this move would work, and I can report with great affirmation that The A.C. Slater indeed does succeed in all of the attributes written above. Try it yourself and share your results in the “comments” section below.

New Plates

Winston-Salem, NC -- In April 2007, the State of North Carolina altered the color of their long-standing license plates. The only item that changed was the color of the letters and numbers that comprise the seven character field (WTF-5505 in the image below). The color changed from blue to red to look something like this:

According to NC DOT, the main purpose of the color change was to increase the visibility of 7 characters to other motorists and law enforcement officers. Ok... wouldn't you just issue some brand new license plates to the applicable drivers with paint scratches rather than issuing new plates to the entire state? If you're going to change the plate and issue the entire population some fresh ones, why not do a complete makeover? Are the prisons throughout our state really this crowded? They look exactly the same as the old plates:

Aside from those redneck pick-up trucks where you can barely decipher what state they're from, here's the real reason why North Carolina only changed the color of their "new" license plate: Political. We want to be known as a red state, not a lefty-swinging blue state!

Nationals Park

Winston-Salem, NC -- The recap of my first visit to Nationals Park is short, but it goes something like this:

The plush green Kentucky grass blends in perfectly with the park's building materials; a sandstone backdrop behind home place and marble walls for the exterior. The jumbrotron (the world's second largest HDTV (to Atlanta's Turner Field's)) is simply amazing. You could see a player's hair pixel in the screen. The curly "W" clock is a nice touch as well.

The knocks against the park are shown in the picture below. If you check out the "Presidential Suites," they are empty! Who wants to pay $300 per game to sit behind home plate for a team only winning 25% (5-15) of their games? The area makes the ambiance look dead. Also, I didn't take a photo of the area outside of the ballpark behind left field. Under contruction, there is a 10-story luxury apartment building that is blocking the view of the Capitol Dome. Why would the DC Government allow a project of this size to take place when the District itself ponied up $611M for this beautiful facility? Similar to the beautiful retro parks -- Camden Yards, Progressive Field (The Jake), Busch Stadium, Coors Field -- I was hoping that the ballpark would "open up" to the city skyline. Having the city's skyscrapers (in DC's case, the monuments) in the backdrop, it directly links the ballpark atmosphere to the city itself. As a fan, you feel like you're getting a full tablespoon of the city's charm while taking in a game; win or lose. I'd take that ideal setting over the hundreds of exclusive DC restaurant food stands that are currently littered around the concourses.

Baseball Notebook

Winston-Salem, NC – Here are my notes on the first three weeks of the baseball season:

• Nationals Park is beautiful. With the metro stop dumping you in left field, it reminds me a bit of PNC Park in Pittsburgh. The ballpark “opens up” to the downtown.

• The front office of the Nats needs to reduce the price of the “Presidential Club” suites from $300 to $100. Having a plethora of empty seats around home plate looks awful on TV.
• The Braves made a great move by not re-signing Andruw Jones. He looks awful in Los Angeles – so awful that Juan Pierre might take his job. Good move by the Dodgers to sit Pierre despite his bloated contract. Bill Shaikin of the L.A. Times said it best recently when describing Colletti's frustrating approach: "The outfield overload reflects the Dodgers' approach under General Manager Ned Colletti: We won't trade our best prospects, but we won't necessarily play them. We'll import veterans and let the kids play when an opportunity arises. We won't hand a kid a job at any time, for any length of time." Sunk costs.
• The Tigers will be back. If this losing streak occurred in July and not at the opening of the season, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal.
• Of course C.C. Sabathia has to have an ERA close to his weight during the one year that I select him in my fantasy draft.
• Miguel Tejada is 33, not 31. Could you not tell by all of the creases on his face?
• Worst contract ever? Barry Zito or Mike Hampton? Lesson learned – don’t hand nine figure contracts out to mediocre pitchers.
• Best pitching rotation: Toronto Blue Jays? Halladay, Burnett, McGowan, Marcum could go up against anybody.
• The Braves have some injury issues to their staff – Glavine and Hampton – but nobody is separating themselves from the rest of the pack in the NL East. We’ll be ok.

Kickball Returns (and so does something else...)

Greensboro, NC -- The 2007 City of Greensboro Kickball Champions took to the field last night to defend their lofty title. Playing a "new" team to the league served as a nice warm-up for Opening Night. The Ball Busters pitched a shutout through 7, and put up 5 runs in the first inning to easily win 8-2. After being a little antsy after two rainouts, I kicked a triple in my first "at-kick." A pop-up to the middle infield/short right field caused me to tag up for a sacrifice fly. The problem was their catcher, a girl was blocking the plate at the exact same time that the ball was incoming and that I was running down the third base line. I slid, took the girl out as if I pulled the rug out from underneath her, and scored. She landed on top of me. "Just ask for her number next time, Attridge" shouts a teammate.

In the 8th inning with 2 outs, one of their players kicked (or sliced) a ball with some wicked backspin in my direction at first base. I caught the ball with my hands, but the impact of the ball bent the top portion of my right pinkie finger backwards. The bone fell out of joint and I popped it back in. After a trip to the ER last night and a splint placed on the pinkie, it was determined today by the orthopaedist that I dislocated my right pinkie finger and that I would need 3 micro screws inserted in surgery. Out 4-6 weeks. Just like my torn hamstring last fall, this latest injury occurred on Opening Night. I'm going "under the knife" on Tuesday. I'm currently sporting a Carolina blue cast. I can barely type and I'm using the mouse with my left hand.

Another Opening Night, another injury...

A First in the NBA?

Winston-Salem, NC -- I usually don't cover the NBA in this blog, but I read this fascinating story on ESPN.com the other day that bears repeating. The star point guard of the Washington Wizards, Gilbert Arenas, wants to take a paycut in order to keep the team intact with pending free agents on the horizon. Arenas, who has only played in a few games this year, will opt out of his current contract to become a free agent. However, F Antawn Jamison is a free agent following this season. Arenas told the Wiz's management to pay Jamison FIRST before paying him. Further, Arenas will take whatever is left over after Jamison is paid, even if that means taking a paycut. The thinking behind this move is that Arenas wants to keep the core of the Wiz intact (Arenas-Jamison-Butler). My first belief is building a long term successful team is "continuity." You can add star players to any roster, and with a few exceptions (2008 Boston Celtics), they'll always fail -- see the Redskins every year. Teams with continuity in their front offices, coaching staffs, and roster always succeed -- Spurs, Mavericks, Suns, and Jazz.

Look, Arenas is a month older than me, so even if he signs a short term contract (1, 2, or 3 years), he'll still be able to score a long-term contract before he hits the wrong side of 30. This offseason will be the last opportunity for Jamison (age 31) to secure a big time contract. No team is going to sign him for the amount that he's making now ($16.4M), but 6 years-$60M isn't poor man's money. If all goes according to (Arenas's) plan this offseason for the Wiz, I will personally buy an Arenas jersey this summer.

Opening Days

Winston-Salem, NC -- Before I expand on my Opening Day thoughts in a separate blog, I wanted to make this point. The Nats won a thrilling opener, 3-2, thanks to some late inning heroics by the franchise cornerstone, Ryan Zimmerman. It was, quite possibly, the best way to christen a brand new ballpark. Conversely, the Orioles opened their season yesterday with a 6-2 loss to the Rays. According to separate reports, the ballpark was 2/3 full. The energy and emotion inside of Camden Yards appeared to have been sucked out and infused along the banks of the Anacostia River in DC.

Maybe this was a sign to Peter Angelos that "this is what you get" for trying to implement an artificial blockade around DC to prevent a MLB franchise from moving there. Those days of sucking DC dollars are over. If ol' Peter had kept his hands to himself, his team may actually be contending, rather than initiating another rebuilding year. Yes, the Nats would have came to town regardless, but at least the Orioles could compete for the region's fans because their product on the field would be contending (and entertaining).

I don't mean to keep taking shots at ol' Peter, but sometimes it's too easy. The Nats have their own flaws, but when that farm system begins to reap the rewards of building through the draft and trading pricey veterans; look out NL East!

By refusing to catch the President's opening pitch on Sunday night, Paul Lo Duca (admitted steroid user) missed the opportunity to practice one more warm-up pitch. Maybe he would have prevented that passed ball in the 9th inning if he had the one extra practice throw. Food for thought.